Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
