I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
