I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
