So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
