In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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