Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
