she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
