How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Vodka?
Forever.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
