My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
