Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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