Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
