This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
