just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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