So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
