I think my fart just growled at me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
