i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
