Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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