its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
