Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
