Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
