I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
