I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
