smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
