Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you had me at cake vodka
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
