??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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