his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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