two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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