someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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