Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
