i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
