I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
