bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My vagina just clenched in fear
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