how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dear god my vagina.
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