Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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