I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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