I want to stick my p in your. b.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
