i will never coherently bang her
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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