my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
