I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
