she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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