We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
