he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
