I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
