Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
