discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
