he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
