Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
