Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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