Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
