Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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